Tuesday, November 22, 2005

You Know You Are A Montrealer...

You know you're a Montrealer when:

You pronounce it "Muntreal", not "Mahntreal".

You have ever said anything like "I have to stop at the guichet before
we get to the dep."

Your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket.

You understand and frequently use terms like 'unilingual,' 'anglophone,'
'francophone,' and 'allophone.'

You agree that Montreal drivers are crazy, but you're secretly proud of
their nerves of steel.

You have to bring smoked meat from Schwartz's and bagels from St-Viateur
if you're visiting anyone west of Cornwall.

You refer to Tremblant as "up North."

You know how to pronounce Pie IX.

You have an ancient auntie who still says "Saint Dennis."

You believe to the depth of your very being that Toronto has no soul -
but your high school reunion is held in Toronto because most of your
classmates live there now.

You greet everyone, from lifelong bosom friends to some one you met once
a few years ago, with a two-cheek kiss.

You know at least one person who used to work for Nortel.

You're not impressed with hardwood floors.

You've been hearing Celine Dion jokes longer than anyone else.

You can watch soft-core porn on broadcast TV, and this has been true for
at least 25 years.

You cringe when Bob Cole pronounces French hockey player names.

You get Bowser & Blue.

You were drinking cafe-au-lait before it was latte.

You order fries 'with sauce', not 'with gravy'.

Shopper's Drug Mart is Pharmaprix and Staples is Bureau en Gros, and PFK
is finger lickin' good.

You really believe Just For Laughs is an international festival.

For two weeks a year, you are a jazz afficianado.

You need to be reminded by prominent signage that you should wait for
the green light.

Everyone on the street - drivers, pedestrians, and cyclists - think
they're immortal, and that you'll move first.

You're proud that Montreal is the home of Pierre Trudeau, Mordechai
Richler, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen and the Great Antonio...and, you
consider Donald Sutherland (and by default, Keifer), Guy Lafleur,
Charlie Biddle, and Roch Carrier Montrealers, too.

You know that Rocket Richard had nothing to do with astrophysics.

You've seen Brother Andre's heart.

No matter how bilingual you are, you still don't understand "ile aux

You know the difference between the SQ, the SAQ, and the SAAQ.

You measure temperature and distance in metric, but weight and height in
Imperial measure.

You show up at a party at 11 p.m. and no one else is there yet.

April Wine once played your high school (alternatively, Sass Jordon or

You know that Montreal is responsible for introducing the following to
North America: bagels, souvlaki, smoked meat and Supertramp. Also, Chris
de Burgh.

You don't drink pop or soda, you drink soft drinks.

You have graduated from high school and have a degree, but you've never
been in grade 12.

The margarine in your fridge is the same colour as lard.

Every once in a while, you wonder whatever happened to Luba.

You never thought that Corey Hart was cool, but you know someone whose
cousin or something dated him.

There has to be at least 30cm of snow on the ground in less than 24
hours for you to consider it too snowy to drive.

You remember where you were during the Ice Storm.

You used to be an Expos fan, but now all you really miss is Youppi.

You're a Habs fan; always was, always will be...

You know that your city's reputation for beautiful women is based on
centuries-old couplings between French soldiers and royally-commissioned
whores (aka Les Filles du Roi).

You don't understand anyone from Lac-St-Jean, but you can fake the

You've been to the Tam Tams, and know they have nothing to do with wee
Scottish hats.

You discuss potholes like most people discuss weather.

You encounter bilingual homeless people.

While watching an American made-for-TV movie, you realize that "Vienna"
is actually Old Montreal, that "New York" is actually downtown and that
the "The Futuristic City" is actually Habitat '67.

You find it amusing when people from outside Quebec compliment you on
how good your English is.

You have yet to understand a single announcement made on the Metro PA
system, no matter what the language.

You don't find American comedians speaking "gibberish" French even
remotely funny.

You don't find it weird that there's a strip club on every corner

You like your pizza all-dressed

And it's SNOWING like a bitch right now... So in honor of that, I posted a typical Montreal in winter type photo.


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