New Organs/Bday Parts On EBay

Seriously, my tongue feels like someone took a razor blade to it. ARGH - it's really killing and I have no doubt my liver is about to tell me to take this job and shove it. How perfect a world would it be if one could purchase a new liver and tongue on EBay using Pay Pal to make the transaction? You can't tell me sketchy stuff hasn't been sold on there before - I mean I saw James Zabiela's fart for sale FFS! In either case, someone want to sell me their tongue?