Having only slept about three or four hours Friday night as I had the mind-fuck that is typical when I know I don't have as much time to sleep as I would like, I dragged my ass out of bed Saturday morning to head to work for a day of training. So early, so cold, so unhappy.
The training was actually very interesting and went extremely well. I left work earlier than normal and headed home to get ready for my Booze and Boardgames Party. Being the pseudo-Jewish mother that I am, at least at heart, I went to load up on food (I'd already got the booze, one has to have priorities you know!) and started tidying up my apartment.
Everything got done in plenty of time and I was able to relax in between tasks.
People started arriving later than planned, but I was ok with it as I was tired and needed time to settle in to what I knew would end up being a long night/day.
The evening at home was fun with such topics as monkeys on pot, the inhalation department, bathhouses and queen fag hags. Everyone seemed to get along very well and I hope that perhaps some new friendships were formed.
By the time 2ish rolled around, I was pretty hammered and hankering to go out and dance some of the stress, hurt and turmoil away. Arriving at the club, I was happy to see no lineup and then my beautiful amazing Dominic, the guest list bitch. He'd messaged me earlier in the week berating me for having been MIA in the past while. I saw several people I knew already and knew it would not necessarily be an easy night.
I was pleasantly surprised to see a lot of the people I care about all randomly show up, everyone drawn to be out for whatever reasons, but we all ended up there together. I started to dance, but felt out of sync and had trouble concentrating and shutting out all other distractions to get into my groove. I think I accomplished it at some points, but the night felt somewhat off. At least I feel like I got some frustration worked out.
Memorable moments: One friend being hit on by a guy and not being interested, telling him, "Sorry but I don't do charity work." CUNTY!
Getting trashed with Boozecaster and briefly discussing the demise of our respective relationships. Him telling me, "We loved each other so much, but we just weren't meant to be." Hearing that he actually meant it and could understand the lonely place I am feeling. We made plans to have dinner Wednesday, him offering to cook for me and who can resist a man offering to cook for you? Later on, I realized it was the dreaded VD. Happily I won't be alone and miserable. As much as I hate greeting card contrived holidays, I am also a girl and need to feel special, validation and love from someone.
Brief comments exchanged with the Captain about how lucky we are to have the friends we do who are all such amazing people.
A bouncer caught the bar dj smoking inside and tried to toss him out without his possesions. It didn't end up happening, but it was a truly sketch moment.
And the oddest one of all? Receiving this message: "I had canceled with XXX but then u showed me pics of ur new bf. I'm mildly hung up on u. I'm mostly fascinated by u I guess. Few people capture my attention like u have. Glad and not glad u met someone if that makes any sense. XXX is great and lots of fun, but not the one. I guess I feel u might have been. You're an awesome chick."
What exactly does one say or do in a situation like this?
Clearly a bump, or two.
Feeling fragile, exhausted from having to explain life changes to several people, feeling like I had to justify who I am to others, I arrived home ready to nap and see the lucky one tonight.
But he cancelled. Family plans apparently? And I was pushed off until tomorrow. In all honestly, I am happy as I will have a lot more time to rest and pull myself together. Having a mini freak out for many reasons, and again plan on setting up some kind of therapy. It's hard to learn to trust someone and give them the benefit of the doubt. Especially when my heart was set on being in his arms tonight. I was yearning that shelter. A temporary one perhaps, but still what balm my soul needs right now.
I like him ever so much - which is terrifying and exhilarating. I just need to learn to calm down, breathe, and be patient! Much easier said than done for someone who DETESTS waiting for anything. *sigh*
*bumpity, bump*
