Monday, November 28, 2005

World Domination

Would be ever so much easier if I could only find a parking space for my bulldozer of bass.

And also the flights are always overbooked so it sucks to fly away on the wings of trance.

What's a girl to do really?

Saturday, November 26, 2005

My Best EMail of the Day

Groovy :)

Want to inccrease your pleasure?

Booost your sexual performmance?

Get ready for romance in just 15 minutes!

Learnn how to bring unimaginable plesurre to your woman!


Life is the art of being well deceived.

But love is blind, and lovers cannot see What petty follies they themselves commit


*I think this makes perfect sense, sign me up*

Friday, November 25, 2005

Quote of

"I come to Montreal to fuck it hard and it fucks me back" - RaRa

Quotes of the Day

"Every day I see even more ugly people." (Like there is a limit to them.)

"I can't possibly love you anymore as you do not have an orange pom-pom."

"Why can't ugly people realize they need to stay far away from me?!"

PS I just tried to use my cell phone as my mouse, I'm "SPECIAL" tonight!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005


Ahhh Jake Gyllenhaal... (Is that how you spell it?) Yum yum yum. I actually really liked this movie too. Not too much "We are Americans and we rule" bullshit, none really, more showing the reality of the fucked up situations and scared way the young men reacted to war.

Then walk home to find at 9:30 at night, a car parked running outside my front door with two people fucking inside. Ahhhh the joys of illicit sex.

Tomorrow I get mine!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005


Today as I was looking out the 27th Floor office window at the almost blizzard, I couldn't help but think, "Too bad it isn't

You Know You Are A Montrealer...

You know you're a Montrealer when:

You pronounce it "Muntreal", not "Mahntreal".

You have ever said anything like "I have to stop at the guichet before
we get to the dep."

Your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket.

You understand and frequently use terms like 'unilingual,' 'anglophone,'
'francophone,' and 'allophone.'

You agree that Montreal drivers are crazy, but you're secretly proud of
their nerves of steel.

You have to bring smoked meat from Schwartz's and bagels from St-Viateur
if you're visiting anyone west of Cornwall.

You refer to Tremblant as "up North."

You know how to pronounce Pie IX.

You have an ancient auntie who still says "Saint Dennis."

You believe to the depth of your very being that Toronto has no soul -
but your high school reunion is held in Toronto because most of your
classmates live there now.

You greet everyone, from lifelong bosom friends to some one you met once
a few years ago, with a two-cheek kiss.

You know at least one person who used to work for Nortel.

You're not impressed with hardwood floors.

You've been hearing Celine Dion jokes longer than anyone else.

You can watch soft-core porn on broadcast TV, and this has been true for
at least 25 years.

You cringe when Bob Cole pronounces French hockey player names.

You get Bowser & Blue.

You were drinking cafe-au-lait before it was latte.

You order fries 'with sauce', not 'with gravy'.

Shopper's Drug Mart is Pharmaprix and Staples is Bureau en Gros, and PFK
is finger lickin' good.

You really believe Just For Laughs is an international festival.

For two weeks a year, you are a jazz afficianado.

You need to be reminded by prominent signage that you should wait for
the green light.

Everyone on the street - drivers, pedestrians, and cyclists - think
they're immortal, and that you'll move first.

You're proud that Montreal is the home of Pierre Trudeau, Mordechai
Richler, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen and the Great Antonio...and, you
consider Donald Sutherland (and by default, Keifer), Guy Lafleur,
Charlie Biddle, and Roch Carrier Montrealers, too.

You know that Rocket Richard had nothing to do with astrophysics.

You've seen Brother Andre's heart.

No matter how bilingual you are, you still don't understand "ile aux

You know the difference between the SQ, the SAQ, and the SAAQ.

You measure temperature and distance in metric, but weight and height in
Imperial measure.

You show up at a party at 11 p.m. and no one else is there yet.

April Wine once played your high school (alternatively, Sass Jordon or

You know that Montreal is responsible for introducing the following to
North America: bagels, souvlaki, smoked meat and Supertramp. Also, Chris
de Burgh.

You don't drink pop or soda, you drink soft drinks.

You have graduated from high school and have a degree, but you've never
been in grade 12.

The margarine in your fridge is the same colour as lard.

Every once in a while, you wonder whatever happened to Luba.

You never thought that Corey Hart was cool, but you know someone whose
cousin or something dated him.

There has to be at least 30cm of snow on the ground in less than 24
hours for you to consider it too snowy to drive.

You remember where you were during the Ice Storm.

You used to be an Expos fan, but now all you really miss is Youppi.

You're a Habs fan; always was, always will be...

You know that your city's reputation for beautiful women is based on
centuries-old couplings between French soldiers and royally-commissioned
whores (aka Les Filles du Roi).

You don't understand anyone from Lac-St-Jean, but you can fake the

You've been to the Tam Tams, and know they have nothing to do with wee
Scottish hats.

You discuss potholes like most people discuss weather.

You encounter bilingual homeless people.

While watching an American made-for-TV movie, you realize that "Vienna"
is actually Old Montreal, that "New York" is actually downtown and that
the "The Futuristic City" is actually Habitat '67.

You find it amusing when people from outside Quebec compliment you on
how good your English is.

You have yet to understand a single announcement made on the Metro PA
system, no matter what the language.

You don't find American comedians speaking "gibberish" French even
remotely funny.

You don't find it weird that there's a strip club on every corner

You like your pizza all-dressed

And it's SNOWING like a bitch right now... So in honor of that, I posted a typical Montreal in winter type photo.

Monday, November 21, 2005


Today at work I was asked by a client if I was from Pakistan or India. I wish! I could only answer, "No sir, I am from Sri Lanka, although my mother is from Bangladesh."

Sketckistan and Bramladesh!


This is who I am sitting next to at work today:

Why do you some people think they can sing?

Ugh, I hate Mondays even more now.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Weekend Update

We have, ladies and gentlemen (let us pretend anyway), reached the point in the weekend where I am swearing at inanimate objects. At least that is accounted for and I don't have to wonder anymore when that's going to happen.

Hallelujah, everything is right on schedule if not a little bit ahead.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Stripper Afterhours

Someone mentioned this to me today and although I have yet to have it defined to me as to what it REALLY is, it made me think that it's some kind of extreme sport or something.

Maybe part of this:

Maybe Battle Whores is as well.

Another one of my friends wants to learn how to pole dance. (For fun or profit though?)

I have stripper friends, friends who date strippers and some who work in the clubs, but keep their clothes on.

Another person who thinks strippers have no talent. I disagree - it takes talent to work that pole properly and make the money some of these girls do. A lot have degrees or have trained as professional dancers. It's just a lucrative business. I personally think she's upset they have better bodeies and outfits than her.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Simpering Idiots... Part One

I would like to dedicate this post to my biggest pet peeve and quite possibly the bane of my existence. If I was a superhero (and I actually AM) these would be my arch nemeses. I hate most girls naturally as they play all their little cunt-faced stupid slutty let's use and abuse guys and make them buy us stuff and make them bitter and jaded bullshit games. UGH UGH UGH! Don't you stupid bitches realize you make MY life much more difficult? And does it give you even a second of satisfaction to hurt and use people? Anyway, I digress...

May I present:

Exhibit A:

The faux lesbian show.

Yes, so what girl hasn't made out with another girl or two? (Or more) LOL - but what bothers me are the sluts that do it on purpose and you can see them looking out of the corner of their eyes trying to see what guys notice. I.e. what guys are getting all worked up and are therefore easier to take advantage of. (No blood left in brain = easier to use)

Exhibit B:

The "poseurs"

These girls are constantly pretending they are models, when they are so obviously not. But the prance and simper around the club/party pouting and pursing their lips (look at the blowjobs I *could* give you but obviously won't cuz I'm frigid) Girl you are not ALL that, you're not even ANY of that. (And give me back that bag of chips cuz you ain't even THAT.)

Exhibit C:

The ravers

If you do not know what is sooooo wrong about this picture, then you're stuck in 1990 maybe. Rave to the grave DOES NOT apply and no sir, I do not think that is trance in your pants and I damn well hope you're not happy to see me. (Cuz I am going to kick your ass!)

Part One concluded - oh I have SO much to say on this. Stay tuned.

Montreal Sluts...

As a prelude to the next post I am preparing, I came upon this online, and it can only be TOO true. Another reason I stay away from strictly straight clubs i.e. CRESCENT STREET and I declare a jihad on all St-Laurent ginos.

Montreal whores & sluts

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

God Bless Canada

I told you that wack is spelt like THIS!!!


I am NOT an alcoholic THANK YOU VERY MUCH - I am a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings and I don't have the time and I'm not a quitter!


I'd like to say this is in honor of Goldmember, well at least Goldmember when he's a bit older...

Lala Land

If I had a pill THAT big, I'd probably be smiling too. As it is though, my head feels like a vice is crushing it. ARGH! (That is what I get for staying up late after barely sleeping the two previous days and sending bday lebanese pictures to Slyde!)


Just call me that because by the weekend, probably more like by TOMORROW, that is what I will henceforth be known as. My head is pounding, my nose is either hungry or bulimic, I'm not sure which.

See, taking a break on partying, as I did on the weekend, well until, the "Tranny Incident" is never smart. My crunkofluid in my veins was not up to par and this is what happened. I'm not the only one afflicted either. Oy veh. My head!

I need loud music and dancing to make me well.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005


People who know you don't like you and stalk you with their gazes.

Simpering bitches. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Fat people - I'm sorry but they are often a) smelly and b) crush me.

Girls (hey, actually guys too) who speak with that "Yo I'm so bad ghetto-cized" accent that's so contrived it's ridiculous. You are not so bad and definitely not all that. Oh wait, you iz NONE of that. Fo' shizzle my nizzle.

Rant on!

Monday, November 14, 2005

Weekend Update

(And no, not with Kevin Neelan)

I was stuck on a bus with a retard. And not just any retard, this one was a cross between the Michelin Man and Carrot Top. If you're as large as a house, shouldn't you pay attention to those around you, i.e. BE CONSIDERATE?!

Every time I take the commuter train in/around Boston, I think of Good Will Hunting.

Worcester is SKATCH. (Well just a first impression, but woah.)

Sephora is the adult woman's candy store.

Men who can cook are HOT - well this one was hot anyway.

Dave Chapelle's use of derogatory terms and general insanity makes me very happy.

Play fighting/wrestling is highly underrated.

Not going out to a club and being stone cold sober all weekend CAN be fun.

Having street meat and fourbucks is a tasty treat.

It's really nice to wake up next to someone and also to fall asleep with someone holding you.

Make sure you have music on your MP3 player before you leave on a trip as there is only so much reading a person can do or will want to do.

Birds poop A LOT.

Just when you think you've seen the most road construction you've ever seen in your life at one time, Boston has to re-define that.

There's nothing wrong with being wasted drunk and letting a hot tranny hit on you.

Ok, so that's the weekend recap.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Heeheehee - When You Least Expect It Indeed!

Masters At Work feat India - To Be In Love
MAW Records
Joey Lazzanzi & Vincent Montana, Jr.
Vincent Montana Jr. Music, ASCAP

To be in love with you is everything
To be in love with you is everything
Every day is a new way
Every night is still fun and play
Every time you are near, my heart just skips a beat
I've falling more in love with you
I've falling more in love with you
To be in love with you is everything
Loving you is a desire
Loving you has set my soul on fire
Every time you are near, you sweep me off my feet
I've falling more in love with you
I've falling more in love with you
You You You
Background music
Oh to be in love with you is everything
To be in love with you is everything
Every day is a new way
Every night is still fun and play
Every time you are near, my heart just skips a beat
I've falling more in love with you
I've falling more in love with you
To be in love with you is everything
Loving you is a desire
Loving you has set my soul on fire
Every time you are near, you sweep me off my feet
I've falling more in love with you
I've falling more in love with you
You You You

Wednesday, November 02, 2005


Lightswitch raving awaits here...

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Brushes with Fame

This weekend at Stereo was a blast as usual. For those of you not familiar with my mecca, this is the house music club that is currently owned by Grammy-winner (and personal inspiration) David Morales. It was built by friends of mine SEVEN years ago now, which is rare in the clubbing world for a club to be around for so long. It's the place where I get my re-charging. Whenever things are wrong, or seem so, dancing the night away always helps change my perspective. It helps being around the lovely people I know there too.

I spent a large part of the night dancing away with Sami Dee, a DJ from Paris I met when he came to play for David's birthday in August. David used to celebrate his bday @ Cavo Paradiso in Mykonos, but has since decided that since he calls Stereo his home, he's going to celebrate it with us. The entire club broke into Happy Birthday and David was sobbing so overcome with emotion. One of the most powerful moments I've ever experienced.

And Lindsay Lohan is in town filming, and a friend of mine met her on the set. She wants to go out on Friday night, so who better to bring her out, than me, the Queen of Crunk?